When you are having a new mattress installed, remember to hide your “toys” BEFORE the movers arrive.
My kids have absolutely forbidden me from getting on Twitter.
So here I am!
I cry way more when I’m angry than when I’m sad. So if you see my tears, look out for my left hook too.
My TC promised me he likes it rough so, of course, I bought him a plane ticket. On United.
I would rather see my husband with another woman in his arms than a hammer in his hand.
A jerk is like a bad movie. You know within 5 minutes.
No YOU are a drama queen said the fainting goat to the opossum.
*at casino*
When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both.
It will leave him speechless.
Scary is handing your car keys to the same kid who unintentionally locked himself in the bathroom that morning.
*Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust*
Remember Peter, give me a call if it last longer than 4 hours.
They say that unless you remember history you are destined to repeat it.
-I say to myself every time I think about cutting bangs.
Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?
Tequila, I’m looking at you.
The ostrich may have the right idea
but I hate sand in my hair.
Some choices are easier than others:
An emergency doctor’s appt vs a much needed hair appt.
At least if I die my hair will be cute.