Luke: forgive me father for I have sinned
You look so comfortable in your own skin. Could I try it on?
Me: I hate it, but we’re going to have to cut payroll. I’ll tell the kids which ones were letting go.
We had 3 kids, I don’t remember their names and they somehow find us even after we move
Gummy bears are just regular bears without teeth. Don’t Google it, you know it’s true.
My daughter found my twitter. I have just one thing to say – clean your room.
I called the plumbers to see what’s taking so long. They said something about having to set a princess free before they can come.
Does anybody know what day Easter falls on this year?
At least you can’t replace ME with cauliflower.
The Wife: Challenge accepted.
The Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Dressing for the job I want…
The Wife: PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON.