Clean sheet day!!
*brushes Pringles crumbs over to his side of the bed*
Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in.
Forget about whether or not you have curves, real women have brains.
There is no amount of money I wouldn’t pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room.
Thanks to Target’s full length 3 way mirrors, I’m now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
The 4 year old thinks a cat’s tail is it’s underwear because it covers the butthole. I can’t really argue with that logic.