I miss being a baby and having milestones. No one cares if you’re an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.
man: you’re beautiful
me: gross
man: humanity is a black hole of stupid and i’m dying inside
me: [heart beats fast] oh my god are you single
serious question: when someone’s telling you a sad story and crying how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?