it’s not been my year
pet owners be like “this is my pet john but their nicknames are booboo and thicky boy ”
nude beaches are out, nude libraries are in
out-housing market appears to be strong
looking for a job in america is kinda wild
*calling my dealer* yeah i’ll take two boxes of thin mints and a box of tagalongs
me when i smell free food in the break room
this sign has the same social anxiety i have
banker: you’re spending more than you bring in
me: god forbid i’m good at something
capitalism is charging someone $200 after they die
As a doctor, I can confirm
returning to work after a holiday weekend like
if you can’t find a man on a dating app, store bought is fine
nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping
spending money is too easy, for my bank account’s sake i need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before i buy something