shout out to the insomniacs, only three more sleeps until halloween
dating apps aren’t working so it’s time to look confused in a trader joe’s
Normally don’t love when patients lie to me but today a patient said I was tall and my 5’8 self believed them
i don’t trust anyone who says they miss high school
72% of dog ownership is asking “what’s in your mouth” and expecting a response
me: i’m doing well
webmd: you may want to sit down
As a doctor I too can prescribe up to 100 milligrams of internet a day
This sign exists because someone at some point gave the alligators hallucinogens, right?
pro: having a lovely time visiting canada
con: nobody would believe me if i got a boyfriend here
what i mean when i say i’m rolling myself a fat one
how to have fun when you’re poor
nobody
literally nobody
my mom to our uber driver: so tell me all about yourself
realized that as a doctor i could prescribe girl scout cookies, who needs some
*flirting poorly at the grocery store*
me: so do you eat food often?
that’s exactly what a van without puppies would say
