“what’s something you’d tell your younger self?” you can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you
This squirrel eats better than I do
kids play hide and seek like
Remember to think of others this holiday season!
For $100 I will FaceTime you in scrubs on Thanksgiving and pretend to be your boyfriend that couldn’t make it because he had to work in the hospital
damn even trashcans have a better love life than i do
[alternate universe]
cows on a road-trip: look a car!
when you miss your boat so you have to take the train
*receives a monthly bill*
didn’t i just pay this last month??
me: i can’t remember my password
my brain: how about an embarrassing memory
somewhere, in an alternate universe
my dog when she sees a vacuum: i have no concept of heaven and hell but holy shit you are the devil
The perfect label doesn’t exi-
ok but legally you have to tell me if you’re a meth lab
inflation so bad pets are getting jobs
