shoutout to everyone trying to look busy instead of working the final hours before a holiday weekend
what’s wrong, babe, you’ve hardly played your juitar
what are they serving at kfc then???
“our sushi is very fresh”
romantic comedies are like “he didn’t realize he had feelings for his best friend until she took off her glasses”
microdosing therapy by detailing all my problems when the applebee’s waiter asks “how we doin’ tonight?”
doctor who has a passion for magic, during a colonoscopy: is this your card?
“and how does that make you feel?”
dads on road-trips be like
when it’s summer but your favorite holiday is halloween
And the Lord said in the presence of a loading zone
when your food arrives but you have to wait for everyone else at the table
dog owners: their name is buddy
cat owners: their name is cool ranch dorito
if by “picking up hotties at the club” you mean going to costco for rotisserie chicken then yeah i am
what’s the point then??