Today at work a lady brought in a gift bag for the doctor, being he wasn’t there at the time, I just put it on his desk. It was a stool sample.
Sometimes I look at my dog and get a little jealous, wondering why nobody ever tells me I’m a good girl when I take a sh*t outside
My husband says I’m selfish, so yesterday when it snowed I let him have the shovel all to himself
The mailman told my husband he banged every woman on the block, except for 1, I told him it had to be Carol next door, she’s really not friendly
The hubby, son and I are all working from home today, this is my goodbye tweet.
Twitter- Have you ever slept with a married man?
Me- Never, just ask my husband.
The state parks in NJ are opening today, but the bathrooms will be closed. I’m still staying home, too much anxiety worrying about where to go if I gotta take a shit.
I’m married, so I recorded the last time I had sex 4 years ago, I’ll open the windows at 3 am and play it to impress the neighbors.
I broke up with my boyfriend last night because his wife snores too loud.
If you’re looking for an experimental couple, we’re trying a new chicken recipe tonight, hit us up.
My husband said the doctor told him I can suck out his kidney stone. After 3 days of trying, I think he lied to me.
Every time my neighbor mows his lawn at 7am, I just stand on my front porch naked with my coffee watching him.