Just spent 5 minutes scratching my back against a post and now I have the sudden urge to hibernate for winter.
I can think of a few ways to dirty up a bedroom..
*eats a nature valley granola bar on your bed, spills milk on the floor, wipes my face on your pillow*
My kid just told me that the 10/10 I got on an attractiveness scale is “just a totally random number and doesn’t actually mean anything”, if you’re in the market for an assassin.
The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.
I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.
Me: Life really can’t get worse than this, can it?
Life: LOL you’re stuck in a car wash now
Guess we’re having “I don’t know” for dinner again tonight.
In hell, everything you have Googled in your lifetime will scroll across a jumbotron.
My 3 year old nephew pronounces the letter ‘s’ like ‘d’ and received a very comprehensive lesson on the importance of the number six tonight.
I wasted my best smelling years on people who didn’t deserve me.