Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of alldrolledup's best tweets

@alldrolledup : *to woman next to me in yoga*

how do you get the mat to stop curling back up

@alldrolledup: I want to have the kind of hope my dog has when the kids walk around eating chips.

@alldrolledup: my ex: sometimes I forget why we ever broke up

me: when you do that sigh thing I can hear your nose hair

@alldrolledup: You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you

@alldrolledup: when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth

@alldrolledup: A Post-It note on every wine bottle at home that just says DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN THAT WAS BAD

@alldrolledup: Only 350 more followers until I casually mention the benefits of Amway.

@alldrolledup: One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week

@alldrolledup: Body: All done?
Brain: All done.
Body: goodnight
Brain: goodnight

Brain: Flintstone tiptoed a lot for a big dude

@alldrolledup: It has come to my attention that some of you are eating the bottom half of cupcakes. That is the peel, people. Know your fruit.