With the cost of concert tickets, you better not be asking the crowd to sing, I did not pay to hear a drunk girl sing my favorite song.
How all things should be taught/explained.
C’mere baby, let me help you break that resolution.
It’s cute how Taco Bell gives you 2 little peppermints in the bag with your order, like thanks for your order, sorry about the diarrhea.
In Hell you have to drive with balloons in the car and you have to put them in the car with the doors open.
I’ve got chicken fingers and a McRib, a few more parts and my monster will be complete.
Going to start punching people in the face who say fight me. Words mean things, Paul.
Tonight during distance dinner with my friends we were talking about how much harder it is to be impressed in your 30s and they asked what it would take to impress me and I said an exorcism, so, yeah, I think I need to get more fresh air.
Killing Eve is trending and I thought we had a new holiday.
Someone called their dog “ugly” and I was not even prepared to fight a stranger today.
My brother just sent me his Christmas wishlist, there’s a ham on it, only a ham.
Maine is beautiful and calm.
Stephen King: Hold my balloon.
DMV Lady: Do you want to retake your photo? You look mad.
Me: I am mad.
DMV Lady: But you’ll look mad on here for 5 years.
Me: I will still be mad in 5 years.
Lower back pain is 0/10 stars, do not recommend.
I’m not saying I’m on Amazon a lot but I did notice it was down before they did.