no, dont go there
dont touch that
no, leave it alone
keep your hands off!
a typical morning with my 3yo (or pissed off with my husband)
Husband: I’ll unload the dishwasher for you, honey.
Me: No rush.
3 days later…….regrets saying no rush.
sure mugger, run away with my purse holding half used lipstick, 1 tampon, maxed out credit cards n negative bank card.
whos laughing now?
Me: Cleaning the basement.
12yo boy: Let me know if u need help.
13yo girl: Let me know when you’re done.
Yep…throwing out HER crap.
Me: Will you-
Me: Can you-
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Oh hell no…..
Communication is important.
My 12yo son’s protip:
Buy larger sized clothes and you’ll look like you lost weight. You’re welcome.
You know what else is fun? Playing dead when your husband receives the credit card bill…
13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood.
Me: How abo-
11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN!
..shoot me now.
Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s.
Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears.
Her: I’ve had gray hairs since I was 16.
Me: I got my grays after I got married.
Hubs: I CAN HEAR YOU!
Me: AND I LOVE MY GRAYS, HONEY!