@amazymay72x

no, dont go there

dont touch that

no, leave it alone

keep your hands off!

a typical morning with my 3yo (or pissed off with my husband)

@amazymay72x

Husband: I’ll unload the dishwasher for you, honey.

Me: No rush.

3 days later…….regrets saying no rush.

@amazymay72x

sure mugger, run away with my purse holding half used lipstick, 1 tampon, maxed out credit cards n negative bank card.

whos laughing now?

@amazymay72x

Me: Cleaning the basement.

12yo boy: Let me know if u need help.

13yo girl: Let me know when you’re done.

Yep…throwing out HER crap.

@amazymay72x

Me: Will you-
Hubs: No
Me: Can you-
Hubs: Nope
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Sex?
Hubs: Yes
Me: Oh hell no…..

Communication is important.

@amazymay72x

My 12yo son’s protip:

Buy larger sized clothes and you’ll look like you lost weight. You’re welcome.

@amazymay72x

You know what else is fun? Playing dead when your husband receives the credit card bill…

@amazymay72x

13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood.

Me: How abo-

11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN!

..shoot me now.

@amazymay72x

Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s.

Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears.

@amazymay72x

Her: I’ve had gray hairs since I was 16.

Me: I got my grays after I got married.

Hubs: I CAN HEAR YOU!

Me: AND I LOVE MY GRAYS, HONEY!