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Page of amazymay72x's best tweets

@amazymay72x : no, dont go there

dont touch that

no, leave it alone

keep your hands off!

a typical morning with my 3yo (or pissed off with my husband)

@amazymay72x: Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey.

Me: No rush.

3 days later.......regrets saying no rush.

@amazymay72x: sure mugger, run away with my purse holding half used lipstick, 1 tampon, maxed out credit cards n negative bank card.

whos laughing now?

@amazymay72x: Me: Cleaning the basement.

12yo boy: Let me know if u need help.

13yo girl: Let me know when you're done.

Yep...throwing out HER crap.

@amazymay72x: Me: Will you-
Hubs: No
Me: Can you-
Hubs: Nope
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Sex?
Hubs: Yes
Me: Oh hell no.....

Communication is important.

@amazymay72x: My 12yo son's protip:

Buy larger sized clothes and you'll look like you lost weight. You're welcome.

@amazymay72x: You know what else is fun? Playing dead when your husband receives the credit card bill...

@amazymay72x: 13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood.

Me: How abo-


..shoot me now.

@amazymay72x: Weed doesn't give me an attitude when I forget to pay the electric bill...

I love you, weed.

@amazymay72x: Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s.

Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears.