My anti theft device in my car is that it’s manual.
Kinda rude TikTok has “hiding your double chin hacks” in my algorithm.
Want to play doctor? You be the patient, I be the lobotomist.
Guys: I’m educated about female issues.
Also guys: why is there a mail box in the girls bathroom stall?
[about to climb Mt. Everest]
Me: omg is there no parking ?
I love how NASA can send a radio signal billions of light years away but my wifi is as sketchy as a tinder date.
I put construction worker experience on my resume because I’ve done build a bear several times.
My god, horses chased me for 5 minutes.
Most terrifying carousel ride ever.
The worst thing you can put in your body is carbs. Or maybe a knife.
My tiny pocket in my jeans is actually to put my annual salary