“I’ll be back!”
-boomerangs
-and herpes
Maybe I misheard him…
But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.
Seriously joggers?! You’re gonna run and carry on a conversation at the same time?
And I’m all outta breath just finishing this McMuffin!!!
Teachers at the pre-school ask why I’m in a good mood in the morning…
I’m like, “Duh…did you not see me just leave my kids with you?”
You know that chick who said, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?”…
Yeah, well I ate her.
I hope that when the zombies finally do come, they’re all dyslexic and they only go after Brians.