Offered the kids $5 to clean so they could learn about money and then didn’t pay them so they could learn about randomly trusting people.
Fitness guru just tweeted “remember to breathe” and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.
Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying “keys” in case I thought they were llamas.
“My wife worked a 12-hour day and I asked what was for dinner” I explain to the other homeless people.
My wife yelled, “This is the LAST TIME I’m going to tell you to take out the trash”, and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it’s making it that much harder to poison him.
My son, 5, scared of the thunder.
I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all.
Think that helped.
My wife finally got a “Brazilian”.
He seems nice.
Before Twitter I had to disappoint people in person.
Dropped mother-in-law at airport.
Her flight isn’t until Tuesday, but with security and all, best to play it safe.