Websites really should skip the log in screen and just go straight to the reset password screen.
You Might Also Like
When people in movies get fired, they all have that one little box with a framed picture on top. You worked there for 17 years, why don’t you have more stuff?
a nightmare where I’m performing disney on ice – but I don’t know how to do it, so I panic and just fireman-carry my partner around the arena for the entire seven and a half minute song, serenaded by the boos of furious children
Kind of cruel how preschool and the Muffin Man teach girls that they might one day find a guy made entirely out of muffins.
[inside a tornado]
Dad: wind’s really pickin up
Dog: When are we going for a walk?
Me: Just let me finish my sandwich*Dog steals and eats my sandwich
Dog: Okay, I’m ready
*Shrek pre-production meeting*
Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet
Guy who named the donkey “Donkey”: I was thinking Dragon sir
*waving arms wildly* holy shit whose arms are these?!
Attachment isn’t when 2 ppl chat night and day. When someone emails u and adds an image or data file with it,
THAT FILE IS CALLED ATTACHMENT
it’s a van. how do they not know this
one of
“Let there be one more blade!”-Gillette marketing concepts.
[sexting]
He: What are your measurements?
She: 36, 24, 36, 19, 72, 54, 2, 14,
He: WTF
She: I A M T H E K R A K E N
What do geologists do on a day by day basis? I mean…haven’t we basically discovered all the rocks by now? I don’t get it.
Dog: I have to go outside.
Me: Okay.
Dog: I really really need to go outside.
Me: Okay okay I’m coming.
Dog: YOU NEED TO TAKE ME OUT NOW.
Me: OMG I’m right here let’s go.
Dog: Hold on I have to stretch for ten minutes.
A smile lets people know you are willing and able to bite them if necessary.
I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.
*throws a dead pigeon at jerk who cut me off in traffic*
Wife: Hun, I don’t think “flipping the bird” means what you think it means.
Body: ok sleepy time.
Brain: ok thinky time.
My dad loves to tell this story ab how when he was a kid his family passed Carlo gambino’s house on the way to church and his dad said solemnly “someday that guys gonna wake up with a bullet in his head”
Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like George Washington did
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.
I’m sick of my girlfriend’s husband starting shit
My kid dropped an entire glass of cranberry juice and now he knows how hard it’d be to cover up a murder
“I’m not a fan.”
-air conditioner
[walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire]
it’s alright guys i got this one.
*whips out a flamethrower*
TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-
Don’t buy a giant skeleton from home depot. Adopt one from your local cemetery
My mom used to say “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” and I’d be like “I’ve already got something, but thanks”
Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is “good” champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!
This is enough internet for the day.