I forced her to tell me what I was to her
Apparently, I’m the 5th in line of guys she talks to when she’s bored
The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me
I wanna see Quentin Tarantino direct a remake of Wizard of Oz
We were just four regular guys who became legends thanks to karoke night and The Spice Girls
I’m not surprised I woke up with a mannequin after too much to drink. I am surprised though that I used a condom
As we debated who would win between Vader and Gandalf, we suddenly realized our dates had left
It’s perfectly acceptable to hate someone who brags about how much sleep they get
The good news: She actually gave me her number
The bad news: She asked for it back after I fell and tripped into a plant walking away
Maybe a funeral isn’t the best place to practice my evil laugh
Look dude, I’m going to need to see alot more chest hair and jewelry if you want into my Disco party
Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin…no matter how epic it is