Truthfully officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving..
I put on real clothes today. What more can my boss want from me?
The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights… I bet he’s pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago..
It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside…
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a little bit then give up and go look for food..
Standing closer to me in line will not get you to the checkout faster.