Saw a woman wearing her shirt backwards and I was like OH MY GOD ONE OF MY PEOPLE
*puts on kevlar vest, gloves and steel toe boots*
*Heads into Costco on a Saturday*
My husband likes to watch The Bachelorette and I like to stare at him when he does
Sliced my finger open with an apple corer. See? This wouldn’t happen if I was eating cake.
I envy those who look beautiful with a messy bun and not me who looks like I either just climbed out of a ditch or played with an outlet with a fork.
Here’s a tip how about designing a Band-Aid that you can open before you bleed out WHAT AN IDEA
History Channel: “Travel back to a time before human civilization..”
You mean like NOW?
I went to a friend’s house and she happened to have a scale so I weighed myself and guess what I don’t like that friend anymore
Me: *skips*
My body: HEY REMEMBER WE CAN’T DO THAT ANYMORE
My love language is Latin. It’s dead.
*listening to the neighbor’s kids screaming outside*
“I know right it’s terrifying GET INSIDE!”
“Go clean up your mansion!!!!!”
-My orthodontist, to his children, probably.
I don’t need to read the room I already know how it ends
*world is ending*
Met Gala: LOOK AT MY DRESS THO
Health status:
Moved on from WebMD and now watching House for any ideas.