(B) (O) (R) (N)
(W) (I) (T) (H)
(T) (O) (O) (O)
(M) (A) (N) (Y)
(H) (A) (N) (D)
[Crime scene on set-your-clock-back-an-hour day]
INVESTIGATOR 1: Time of death?
INVESTIGATOR 2: [looks at microwave…then phone] uhhm hmm
WIFE: 20 mins and you haven’t noticed?
ME: oh! hair looks nice, hun
WIFE: [crossing her 1 arm] I had my surgery today.
LAWYER: where were you Oct 13th?
ME: alibi school
LAWYER: can u prove this?
ME: wait, the 13th?
ME: k no I was murdering that day
INSTRUCTOR: pull your shute!
ME: my shoe?
INSTRUCTOR: your parachute!
ME: my pair of shoes?
CORONER: where’s his shoes?
1816: a grizzly bear ate my mom as she fetched drinking water.
1916: I’m in a muddy trench, bleeding internally.
2016: IM OFFENDED!