@animaldrumss
You may have the last laugh now, but we’ll continue this discussion later when Im alone in my car pretending to be a stupider version of you
@animaldrumss
@animaldrumss
[ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let’s discuss ways they could improve their image
@animaldrumss
moron: “duhh, i hate taco bell, every time i go there i get diarrhea”
me: try getting tacos instead, genius
@animaldrumss
Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed
@animaldrumss
No, actually I hate gambling, that’s why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I’ll burn up his gambling dice.
@animaldrumss
Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit
Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?
@animaldrumss
son, you don’t need to close your eyes, it’s just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you’re not watching it
@animaldrumss
Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son
Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar?
Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers
@animaldrumss
To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh… yeah. yes.
@animaldrumss
[overhears guy saying economy is bad]
[later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad