gf: i took a pregnancy test
me: is it mine
gf: no, i bought it
me: i’m terrified of socialism
therapist: thanks for sharing
me: [being murdered] tell my gf i love her
wife: [murdering intensifies]
me: im terrified of avengers
doctor: how are you feeling
me: with nerve endings, you should really know this
[watching the lion king]
me: i’ve never seen this before
wife: oh dear, better get the tissues ready
me: i’m hardly going to jack off to a bunch of lions karen
me: i’m terrified of random letters
therapist: you are?
therapist: oh i see
me: [screaming intensifies]
[my brain going to party]
general anxiety: what if everyone ignores you?
social anxiety: what if they don’t?
me: yes please
her: how do you take it?
me: [googling] lose weight
google: eat healthy and exercise
me: [googling again] lose weight NO salad NO running