I took my cat to the vet in my gardening clothes.
The vet looked me over.
He must’ve decided I looked like a flood victim because he gave me 5 days of meds free.
The Boomer bank robber got Botox and now he’s a smooth criminal
After a long day of weeding, I just sat down in the grass to drink some water. Suddenly I felt unnerving crawly sensations on my backside. Christ, I didn’t know “ants in your pants” was an actual thing!!! 🐜
My son, in the restaurant: “Mom! If you don’t stop dancing to Despacito I’m literally going to drink and drive, and I don’t have a license yet.”
Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity
It’s only Canoodling if it’s with an actual Canadian.
Otherwise it’s just store brand noodling.