Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

December 1st:
Smoked a cigar

December 8th:
Finally got the taste out of my mouth

*Looking to buy a house*

ME: So, tell me about the neighborhood.

REALTOR: Great school district, very safe neighbo…

ME: No, I mean like the bars.. Are the bars close to here and do I need an Uber or can I just walk to them? What are their happy hour specials like?

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