When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get
Wait, if Disney’s Cars only “eat” gasoline, why do the have teeth?
Andrew Garfield implies the existence of Andrew Nermal and Andrew Odie
Oh, you’re a parent? Then how many times have you moved a cup back from the edge of the table this week?
Me: I just need you to tell me when my clothes are dry.
Dryer: Please, no talking until intermission.
Me: Okay, 5yo, are you ready for your morning math lesson?
5yo: Hold on. Let me get my laser gun.
Me:
5yo just asked for, and I quote, “two fingers of milk” if you’re wondering how parenting during lockdown is going
Me: Where’s your water bottle?
3yo: I don’t know.
Me: Can you please go look for it?
3yo: *without moving or breaking eye contact* I can’t find it.
Let’s give each other some bad writing advice!
Type “You’re not a real writer unless you” then let predictive text do it’s thing.
Mine:
“You’re not a real writer unless you are an expert in the middle east.”
Oddly specific.