People are always terrified of child birth, but they should be scared of the 18 years that follow. Those have to be done without pain meds.🥴
Everyone else at the table can order a margarita at 10a.m., but I ask for a cup of queso with a straw, and suddenly I’m the one with the problem.
Coworker: Oh wow are you sick?
Me: No, Greg, I’m just ugly.
I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up and ruin Christmas again this year.
I got a 6 month head start on No Shave November, so I think my chances of winning are pretty good this year.
My daughters moved out on their own and they call me periodically to ask for advice and answers. I kind of thought watching me raise them would have proven that I’m winging it, but for some reason, they think that I know things?
She hadn’t made a milkshake in years for fear that they would return.
She starts the blender reluctantly.
In the distance, screams.
The boys had returned. They were coming to her yard.
The platypus is the hotdog of the animal kingdom. All the leftovers were thrown together, and people just accepted it.