Vampire: I can bite you…
Me: Sweet!
Vampire: … and give you eternal life!
Me: Stop threatening me!
Almost fell down the stairs. Will try again tomorrow.
You can always win an argument if you set them on fire.
What an awful time to have common sense.
I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.
I always wear striped stockings in hopes someone will mistake me for a witch and drop a house on me.
Keep your friends close and your flamethrower closer.
Stop staring lady, I was meowing at your cat.
Don’t cook with kids if you don’t know how to season them.
I miss the good old days, when more people were catapulted.
I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you at a grocery store.
I screamed into the void and the void threw a toaster at me.
When I was a kid, a girl called me a witch for having green eyes. She’s a hamster now.
People will never forget you, if you push them down the stairs.
I’m starting to think aliens are avoiding us.