My kid when he’s in trouble will be like wow you make the best water it’s so wet like I don’t know what he’s doing
5: wow, you look so pretty
Me: thank yo—
5: with your sunglasses on
Me: am I pretty without them?
*UNCOMFORTABLY LONG PAUSE*
5: sure
Me: are you going to be a better listener?
Pause
5: maybe is the best I can do
[typing in parental control pin]
5: why do you go so fast? I’m trying to see it. I know it ends with 3, 4 but nothing I’ve tried works
[after explaining speed limit signs]
5: I like how you’re creative with speed limits
“That seems like a you problem” was my favorite comeback until my 5 yo said it to me
I get more sympathy when I say that I don’t have a Costco near me than when I say someone died
[grocery shopping]
ME: oooh my back just cracked
5: mine too. WE’RE A CRACK FAMILY!!
Me: How was school?
5: It was good. I only needed a couple of reminders
Me: what did you need to be reminded about?
5:
Me:
5: You don’t need to worry about that
Few things create body issues like a hotel pool towel
4: Let’s go to back Target, we can get the Pokémon stuff
Me: But you don’t have any more money
4: That’s okay, we can use your money
Walked into my living room and found my 4 yr old watching tv and eating pizza
Me: bud, why are you eating pizza?
4: I was hungry
Me: well, yeah. I mean it’s 7am, why didn’t you grab a yogurt or something?
4: because there was pizza
Internal me: Gurrrrl, you are being crazy. Reign it in.
Actual me: So I just need to say one thing…
Bit into a beautiful looking strawberry, but it was actually rotten
Anyway, thought of you