The world is my oyster. Too expensive to enjoy every day.
If it exists behind a paywall, does it really exist?
Idea: Like Google Glass, but a necklace or something that projects a website onto the face of the person talking to you.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there’d be one less blogger.
The sincerest form of flattery is having a robot from the future sent back in time to kill you. Imitation is a distant second.
Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn’t spent a lot of time around teenagers.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Abraham Lincoln is trending. Congrats to his social media team.
Man, the way these journalists are complaining it’s like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop.
Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly want to be late for work today either but it’s not like hot wings can shave themselves out of chest hair.
I miss the days when you could talk about a brand and they didn’t talk back.
65 mph wind gusts today. This is why Midwesterners are heavy. Everyone else rolls away like a tumbleweed.
Girl, are you a glass of water because I think you’re about to throw yourself at me.
Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her.
“Subpar accommodations. One star.” – Oldest known TripAdvisor rating for Bethlehem.