Monopoly made me believe there would more bank errors in my favour as an adult.
Wireless bra? What’s the password?
*goes out*
*realises why I stay in.*
I just stabbed my salad 23 times with my fork & now it’s a Caesar Salad.
Diet starts today.
I need to lose about 3 years.
My dad was a failed magician & I have two half-sisters.
I came.
I saw.
I forgot why I went upstairs.
The older I get, the less ‘life in prison’ becomes a deterrent.
I can work well with others OR pass a drugs test. I can’t do both.
Cats don’t tell police where your drugs are.
Oh, you’re here. Who’s running hell?
*Uses time machine to constantly go back to bed*
Cardio? Is that in Spain?
I wonder if Batman ever saw the Batsignal and thought ‘I’ve literally just sat down.”