Do you ever really know if your bagpipe is in tune?
“What if we put wheels on this toilet?”
*inventor of the RV
This toilet won’t flush!!
Cop: “Sir, will you please step out of the phone booth”
I keep renewing my auto warranty yet they’re still calling. How many times must I give them my credit card number?
My wife is out of town so I learned how to do laundry who knew clothes didn’t fold themselves?!?
My 4yo niece: “You’re fat”
Me: “Santa died”
Texted daughter “I’m going to take a nap” and autocorrect changed it to “come inside and scream like a banshee.”
Her: Have you seen the salsa?
Me: Yes. I must have left it in the bathroom
I haven’t been to the gym in months. I wonder if all the pudding cups in my locker have spoiled?
Me: I’m really struggling with this potty training.
Friend: How old is your kid?