@bartandsoul

“What if we put wheels on this toilet?”

*inventor of the RV

@bartandsoul

This toilet won’t flush!!

Cop: “Sir, will you please step out of the phone booth”

@bartandsoul

I keep renewing my auto warranty yet they’re still calling. How many times must I give them my credit card number?

@bartandsoul

My wife is out of town so I learned how to do laundry who knew clothes didn’t fold themselves?!?

@bartandsoul

Texted daughter “I’m going to take a nap” and autocorrect changed it to “come inside and scream like a banshee.”

@bartandsoul

Her: Have you seen the salsa?

Me: Yes. I must have left it in the bathroom

Her:

@bartandsoul

I haven’t been to the gym in months. I wonder if all the pudding cups in my locker have spoiled?

@bartandsoul

Me: I’m really struggling with this potty training.

Friend: How old is your kid?

Me: Kid?