Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@bea_ker : "It's definitely better without a condom" I say, removing it from my soup
@bea_ker: MY WIFE: [donating blood]
ME: That's from both of us
@bea_ker: That's the third time Adam Sandler's scootered past my house this morning. Dude if you want to go on my trampoline just ask
@bea_ker: [date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar]
I got this surfing
[I show her my grotesque balls]
I was born like this I think
@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
@bea_ker: Politics informs every aspect of my life. It affects how much money I have, how I spend it, and my work itself. Sorry, not politics. Pokemon
@bea_ker: Hey man, settle an argument for me?
[handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there
@bea_ker: GUY POSING FOR THE SCREAM PAINTING: Are you done? Let me see
EDVARD MUNCH: You look great
GUY: Let me see
EDVARD MUNCH: No
@bea_ker: Donald Trump's campaign is basically that thing where you say the wrong answer in Pictionary then just keep saying it louder and louder
@bea_ker: Crabs only walk that way when people are looking at them
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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