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@beefman138 : My next door neighbor has been knocking on my front door for hours.
Does she really think I am going to let her leave?
@beefman138: PHARMACIST : Take this medication with food.
ME : Relax, buddy. I take everything with food.
@beefman138: Do people who eat super-crunchy peanut butter know about peanuts?
@beefman138: I'm beginning to think that some of you aren't really pretending to be crazy.
@beefman138: Someone is stealing cats in my area and I hope that the cops catch the purr purr traitor.
@beefman138: You know you're getting old when you decide to tell your doctor the actual truth about your alcohol intake.
@beefman138: Who called them 'horses' and not 'neigh-sayers?'
@beefman138: Coworker : I just like to go with the flow.
Me : Flow away, I'm busy.
@beefman138: Joan of Arc was great, but nothing compared to her sister, Joan of Circumference, who was a much more rounded person.
@beefman138: A coworker just complained that nobody was talking to her and I really wish I had her kind of problems.