I’m loyal to my bakery. It’s called pastriotism.
My next door neighbor has been knocking on my front door for hours.
Does she really think I am going to let her leave?
PHARMACIST : Take this medication with food.
ME : Relax, buddy. I take everything with food.
Do people who eat super-crunchy peanut butter know about peanuts?
I’m beginning to think that some of you aren’t really pretending to be crazy.
Someone is stealing cats in my area and I hope that the cops catch the purr purr traitor.
You know you’re getting old when you decide to tell your doctor the actual truth about your alcohol intake.
Who called them ‘horses’ and not ‘neigh-sayers?’
Coworker : I just like to go with the flow.
Me : Flow away, I’m busy.
Joan of Arc was great, but nothing compared to her sister, Joan of Circumference, who was a much more rounded person.