Dating app for hypochondriacs called Twinge.
The fact that we don’t hear the words “free quote” and burst into laughter always amazes me. You aren’t going to charge me to tell me what you’ll charge me? Calm down, Karl Marx.
Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.
At some point, we need to be conscious of what kind of world we’re leaving behind for our limited edition beanie babies.
Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it
Ghost hunting is just an excuse to hang with the fellas in the dark
I’d like a food blog without recipes. Just stories of self-empowerment that somehow lead to butternut squash risotto.
Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.
I love when a chef refers to themself as “fearless.” Like, are those figs on that sandwich? Calm down, Napoleon
For the first year I drank liquor, I thought I was being pranked. I was waiting for one of my friends to say, “Gotcha! Here’s the stuff that tastes good.”
Friend: I’m poly.
Me, pulling out crackers: Well, you won’t believe what I have for you!
Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day
Growing up with a race car bed really prepared me for having to sleep in my 2004 Honda Accord
Christians will say, “I can’t wait to get to Heaven,” and then wear a seatbelt. Y’all pick a lane
Ducktails gave me very unrealistic expectations of generational wealth among waterfowl