‘You probably need to pee soon, huh?’
~The monster under my bed
I love how Hasbro’s Ouija Board sets the bar at 8 years old for communing with the dead.
‘You probably need to pee soon, huh?’
~The monster under my bed
Therapist: ‘Sarcasm will get you nowhere.’
Me: ‘Actually, it got me to the National Sarcasm Championship game in Las Vegas back in 98.’
Therapist: ‘Really?’
Me: ‘No.’
14: ‘What’s an inheritance?’
Me: ‘Nothing you need to worry about, really.’
14: ‘I think the Wi-Fi is out again.’
Me: ‘You kids! Heck, when I was your age I’d be outside and-‘
14: ‘It’s back.’
Me: ‘Good talk.’
I turned out ok for someone essentially raised by Bugs Bunny.
‘You probably have to pee soon, huh?’
~ The monster under my bed
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing…
*parks outside your house*
*holds up pepperoni pizza*
‘I just need like two minutes!’
~me, lying
*licks lips*
*makes eye contact*
‘You gonna eat that wing?’
Me: I need to lose some weight.
Fries: Let’s do it together.
I forgot to pay off my exorcism loan, and now I’m being repossessed.
15: ‘I think the Wi-Fi is out again.’
Me: ‘Hey – what a great opportunity to go outside and enjoy some fresh-‘
15: ‘It’s back.’
Me: ‘Good talk.’