i handle all my disagreements like an adult
dance off pants off karaoke
i just blocked everyone who’s face i don’t like, so if you’re seeing this…hiii
saying “i don’t care” and then not being able to sleep because of it is my superpower
I was on my way to the gym and this strong gust of wind blew me into a McDonald’s and 3 Big Macs fell in my lap.
I don’t think some women realize just how handsome my mom says I am.
For $5 I’ll comment on your exes new relationship status saying “you gave me herpes!”