Amazon review of the Solar System
⭐☆☆☆☆
“Only one star”
Yo yo yo, I just killed some dude,
Shot to the head, now my life is screwed,
Momma don’t cry, it’s not your life that’s in tatters,
Carry on, carry on, because nothing really mattersBohemian Rap-sody
Car salesman: It’ll comfortably fit 5 people
Clown: How many uncomfortably?
Boomer: I got this toy when I was 6. I didn’t open it. Now it’s worth $1000!
Gen X: I open shoe boxes on YouTube. Now I’m a millionnaire
Wife: When lock down is over, we should take the family out
Me: *Sharpening knife* Good idea, I’ve always hated Uncle Geoff
Imagine kissing a frog and it turns into a Prince. Like, great, now I gotta go find another sexy frog
Christian: You need Jesus in your life
Me: But I can’t find him
Jesus: *Hiding in a cave, giggling*
Delilah: Hey
Jude: Hey there
Me: A gentleman never kisses and tells
Wife: Who. Was. She
My 4 YO pointed out that we put socks on during the day and take them off at night and that means our feet are nocturnal
The most abundant animal in the world is the chameleon. Scientists disagree with me but they’re only counting the ones they can see
Having sex with the same person for the rest of your life is like always running the same route. You know every peak, every dip, when to go hard, when to slow down. You know how to pace it and always know when the end is near. But a new route? No thanks. There might be bees. BEES
Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish
Anyone else’s spouse dislike their pet name? My “wife for now” hates hers
Wife: You’ve been a naughty boy
Me: Yes I have!
Wife: You need to be punished *takes off clothes*
Me: Yes, I do!
Wife: Do the laundry