Son: I want a quinceañera.
Me: You can’t have one
Son: Why not?
Me: Just asking this makes me realize why you failed spanish 1 last year
*ps: he is also 16*
Her: I read on Facebook…
Me: I’m going to stop you there.
All pigeons are stool pigeons if you stand under them long enough.
[At the store]
Me: Where are your masks?
Kids: We didn’t bring them.
Me: Why not.
Kids: Because you didn’t tell us like mom would.
My kid wouldn’t eat it after he ordered it so I had to: A parents guide.
She said she wanted the D so I showed her our son’s report card.
Me: Can you bring back Prince?
Genie: I can’t bring people back.
Me: Okay how about make it so my back never hurts again?
Genie: Who was that dead guy again?