My mum tells me that she turns the internet off when she goes to bed, incase you’re wondering why your screen just went blank.
Someone claimed that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a mile away, sounds a bit far fetched to me.
Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip.
Been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently they all look like that & I should’ve just left it in its hole in the garden.
If I had a crystal ball, I’d probably walk differently.
The 16yo tells me he’s been revising all day. His browser history suggests he’s got his YouTube exam in the morning.
Shazam but for telling you the name of someone who’s only just been introduced to you 5 minutes ago but you weren’t listening.
As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust Google Maps.
For what I lack in imagination, I more than make up for in something else.
‘I’m really excited about the Pixar cowboy figure I got for my birthday.’
‘Woody?’
‘Not quite that excited.’
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?– How to annoy an Avenger when you’re on a road trip.
I spilt glue on my autobiography & then accidentally sat on it. Anyway, that’s my story & I’m sticking to it.
Drinking ink won’t kill you, you’ll just dye a little inside.
I’ve turned the wifi off. The 15yo’s world has ended. I feel like one of the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Conquest, War, Famine & Dad.
He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.