Have you heard about these cats getting plastic surgery to look like kittens?
My biggest fear is getting a 200 page email that ends with “Thoughts?”
Alright. It’s Sunday. Another Breaking Bad. Or if you don’t watch the show, an hour of confusing tweets.
Spent the entire day milking a single almond.
It’s sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars.
Eat local. Your neighbor’s food.
Changed my outgoing voicemail message to “You have reached the government.”
The ancient Egyptians loved cat videos.
How do you milk an almond?
Quit blaming your iPhone. You meant to say “furbenglurbrn.”
New slogan for cats: “Ever go to the zoo and want to snuggle a tiger but don’t want to die? Cats.”
“You’re joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?” -Jesus
Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django
I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot.
I just did yoga. No wait, yogurt.