I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.
Okay kid, here’s the context. Each of your toes is a pig. I’m going to grab them, one by one, and tell you what each one did. I know, it’s weird, just roll with it.
2: ok
I wish I was a better person
genie: kind of a low bar but ok
ME: I’d give anything to talk with my dad again
(my dad’s ghost appears)
DAD: Hey son
ME: Dad!
DAD:
ME:
DAD:
ME:
DAD:
ME:
DAD: So uh… do you wanna talk to your mother now
ME: yeah ok
DAD: good talking to you
ME: you too dad
WIFE: I’m leaving you
CARL (my personal sound effects guy): *makes sad trombone sound*
ME: Is it because of-
WIFE: yes it’s because of Carl
DRIVING CLASS: 10 and 2
REAL LIFE: 7 and french fries
INTERVIEWER: It says here you can’t read
ME: thanks what else does it say
wife: Don’t be an idiot
me: IT’S NOT A CHOICE, SARAH
(three days later, in the shower)
STORMTROOPER: *slaps forehead* omg those WERE the droids I was looking for
ME: I think human cloning is a big mistake
ALSO ME: ok wow, I’m right here