my 10 yr plan is to wait till I’m 9 yrs 11 mos in & then absolutely slay
my teen would like you to know I have allowed storms to disrupt our wifi when she had things to do
true friends will unglue your lips from your leg when DIY waxing goes terribly wrong
eating lightbulbs and setting your own house ablaze are rare but serious side effects of this medication. contact your doctor if this occurs.
just once I want a doctor to ask if I’ve been eating enough potatoes
my primary source of oxygen is gasping at all the stupidity
current fitness level: can you spot me while I pick up this blanket?
he said he hasn’t touched my anti aging serum but one of his palms clearly looks younger than the other
When the stylist spins you back around
A charcuterie board is about what’s on top of the board? I thought y’all were picking side items to make eating wood more palletable.
My family keeps leaving the door open- what type of exterminator handles flies, mosquitoes, and houseguests?
If you hate being single, imagine being with someone who sets 10 alarms to wake up each day and sleeps through every one of them.
Everyone is gangster till they touch a bandaid in a pool
Spice up grocery lists for your partner:
Im so thirsty- juice
Make my mop wet- shampoo
I only moo for you- you get the idea
This isn’t a bathroom. Go outside if you have to do that. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. Help me help you.
-talking to drunks & puppies