If you are attracted to both men and women with muscular arms, you’re bicepsual.
Have you spent any of your daylight savings yet?
My tweets use many of the same letters as Shakespeare.
Wise advice
Of all the essential oils WD40 is the essentialist.
Darn, my 250 million years old salt has expired.
“How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?”
“Depends. Into what?”
You have to question the modus operandi of people who use Latin for no reason.
Used to be able to touch my toes. Now I just have a sip of beverage and wave at them.
What did the bra say to the hat? “You go on a head, I’ll give these two a lift.” (I’m back to silly jokes. Probably for the best.)
You know you’re getting older when the person telling you to slow down is you’re doctor, not a cop.
I was attacked by two owls simultaneously. They were in cahoots.
50% of Roger Federer‘s name is “er”
“Who’s your favorite vampire?”
“The one on Sesame Street.”
“He doesn’t count.”
“I can assure you that he does.”
When I was young I was poor. But after decades of hard work, I’m no longer young.