Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bornmiserable's best tweets

@bornmiserable : Meet Couples Who Stay Together Because They Need Help Holding an Invisible Sandwich

@bornmiserable: KID: where do babies come from
ME: [interrupts] and how do we stop that

@bornmiserable: THE INVENTOR OF THE HUG: if you feel uncomfortable now, get ready to feel even more uncomfortable

@bornmiserable: HIM: we’re under the mistletoe
HER: oh yes
HIM: you know what that means
HER: yup
[both draw swords and begin to duel]

@bornmiserable: THE INVENTOR OF KUNG FU FIGHTING: what if I told you that you could be fast as lightning and just a little bit frightening

@bornmiserable: if you have a dog and don't greet it by singing "hello barkness, my old friend" then what's the point

@bornmiserable: "I'm going to enter you now," I announce to an elevator to the bewilderment of everyone who is already inside. A lady clutches her purse.