@bornmiserable

BATMAN’S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance

@bornmiserable

the coronavirus pandemic taught me that life is short and politicians are willing to make it shorter

@bornmiserable

identifying as an airline so my bank will give me several billion dollars

@bornmiserable

ME: well well well, look who’s about to make a killing
MURDERER: [just stabs me even harder]

@bornmiserable

THE INVENTOR OF HAND SANITIZER: who’s the paranoid one now huh, WHO’S THE PARANOID ONE NOW

@bornmiserable

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a pedestrian. Seriously, you’re hitting everything with your car.