stopped in at my local wine shop to grab a bottle and was told that on a normal Tuesday they would be at $1500 in sales but they’re already around $10k lmao
reality dating shows are fun because they let you see what psych experiments were like before everyone had to get approval from ethics boards
passed a guy walking down the street video chatting someone but here’s a fun twist: he was doing it on a laptop
it’s so important to spend hours reading various product reviews across multiple sites before saying “yeah fuck it this one” and buying whatever you happen to be looking at around 2 am
8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be
I’m such a sucker for a sports movie. I want the team to win so bad… but then it seems like they won’t… omg they did it
bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction
waitress on law & order: oh yeah, he came in for lunch three months ago with a pretty brunette. they sat at table 3 and had an argument
me as a waitress: you’re telling me this man with a limp, a scar, and a funny hat came in yesterday? sure, maybe. don’t remember
one mistake some cult leaders make is predicting armageddon will happen on a specific day. embarrassing to explain afterwards. if i ever lead a group of devoted followers i’d keep shit like that pretty vague
corner shelves seem like such an ingenious use of space until you try to put stuff in them
guy who came to check out what’s making noises in my attic told me it’s “one of the creepiest attics [he’s] ever seen.” not something you want to hear from a person whose job involves seeing a lot of attics
great news: all my boxes arrived
terrible news: all my boxes arrived
I will turn off your post-apocalyptic movie the first time I spot a woman with shaved pits
my only request if I ever get murdered is that you don’t let it be solved on a podcast