Bart Simpson is bad for this country of America
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
[evil villain turns around in chair to confront adversary but spins too fast and does two complete revolutions before talking]
Here’s my impression of an astronomer discovering that an asteroid is coming to destroy earth: “This will make me famous but not for long”
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I’m like, that’s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I’m more fun than I actually am
By the end of their life, everyone will have appeared in at least two Fast & Furious movies
The human body is 70% water and 30% land
DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool