Voting for coroner
I buried one of those 12ft skeletons in my yard. Gonna make one hell of a true crime podcast someday.
Spotted in the wild
Chappell Roan sounds like a place they have to defend in Lord of the Rings.
I accidentally left two bags of broccoli in a 90 degree car for 3 days and boy does it smell like I left two bags of broccoli in a 90 degree car for 3 days.
Just ate a whole dictionary. It was alphabet soup, but I figure all the words were in there.
A show I auditioned for premieres tonight so we should be filming my scenes any minute now.
It’s pretty shitty people are giving back the highways they adopted now that lockdowns are over.
Nobody:
Neighbors: THEYRE ASLEEP LETS SET OFF ALL THE FIREWORKS
Instead of death, we should just call it ‘eternity leave’