The east coast is experiencing a “Snowpocalypse” or as Canada calls it “Monday”
If you are really good at comedy you can make $250 writing for a multimillionaire.
Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems
I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking “What a cliche way for a fat person to die of”
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Going to open a Vietnamese restaurant and name it Viet Nom Nom Nom.
Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day’s specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
Liam Neeson is going to find that hour we lost.
America is 5 wars away from receiving a free one.
If someone is choking the best thing to do is ask them if they’re okay repeatedly then if that fails give a concerned look until resolved.
To err is human, to eh is Canadian.
“In case of emergency break glass” Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can’t even open a Cheetos bag.
I think LGBT sounds too much like a sandwich.
On my tax form I checked the single box but added “and looking”.
You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom.