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@brianbowman73 : Me: Day 5,308. The search for intelligent life continues..
Coworker: You know we can hear you, right?
Me: Still no signs...
@brianbowman73: Them: You seem nice.
Me: Really? Try driving slowly in front of me.
@brianbowman73: Tried arguing on the internet today.
Wouldn't recommend it.
0 out of 5 stars.
@brianbowman73: I decided to jog in place at a stoplight and got some really strange looks.
I should've just stayed in the car.
@brianbowman73: My conscience is clean.
Alcohol is technically a solvent.
@brianbowman73: I once tried to the Dirty Dancing lift with my cat but it turns out Mr. Mittens isn't very strong.
@brianbowman73: I remember when all this was farmland!
*gestures toward internet*
@brianbowman73: Sorry I called you an imbecile.
I should've realized I would have to explain to you what that means.
@brianbowman73: *applies for million dollar grant to test scientific theory*
What's your theory?
That money can buy happiness.
@brianbowman73: I give new meaning to the word "awesome."
At least I did when I changed the Wikipedia entry.