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Page of brianbowman73's best tweets

@brianbowman73 : Me: Day 5,308. The search for intelligent life continues..

Coworker: You know we can hear you, right?

Me: Still no signs...

@brianbowman73: Them: You seem nice.

Me: Really? Try driving slowly in front of me.

@brianbowman73: Tried arguing on the internet today.

Wouldn't recommend it.

0 out of 5 stars.

@brianbowman73: I decided to jog in place at a stoplight and got some really strange looks.

I should've just stayed in the car.

@brianbowman73: My conscience is clean.

Alcohol is technically a solvent.

@brianbowman73: I once tried to the Dirty Dancing lift with my cat but it turns out Mr. Mittens isn't very strong.

@brianbowman73: I remember when all this was farmland!

*gestures toward internet*

@brianbowman73: Sorry I called you an imbecile.

I should've realized I would have to explain to you what that means.

@brianbowman73: *applies for million dollar grant to test scientific theory*

What's your theory?

That money can buy happiness.

@brianbowman73: I give new meaning to the word "awesome."

At least I did when I changed the Wikipedia entry.