@brianbowman73

Me: Day 5,308. The search for intelligent life continues..

Coworker: You know we can hear you, right?

Me: Still no signs…

@brianbowman73

Tried arguing on the internet today.

Wouldn’t recommend it.

0 out of 5 stars.

@brianbowman73

I decided to jog in place at a stoplight and got some really strange looks.

I should’ve just stayed in the car.

@brianbowman73

I once tried to the Dirty Dancing lift with my cat but it turns out Mr. Mittens isn’t very strong.

@brianbowman73

Sorry I called you an imbecile.

I should’ve realized I would have to explain to you what that means.

@brianbowman73

*applies for million dollar grant to test scientific theory*

What’s your theory?

That money can buy happiness.

@brianbowman73

I give new meaning to the word “awesome.”

At least I did when I changed the Wikipedia entry.